I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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