Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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