i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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