Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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