I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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