the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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