Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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