smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shame - the story of my life.
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