I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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