This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize