i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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