All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize