This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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