in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize