make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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