I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize