I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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