the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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