I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So vagazzling was a success
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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