Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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