dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize