She said her name was "party"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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