I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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