I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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