Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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