LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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