i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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