she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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