this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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