Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize