i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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