i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize