some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize