I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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