toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize