and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize