I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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