We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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