i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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