The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air taste purple.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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