dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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