I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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