This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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