It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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