just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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