FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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