i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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