ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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