If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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