saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How naked do you want me to be?
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